


Haechan comes to my house, kicks my ass, and tells me to get my life together

by fewfre



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Dog - Freeform, Gen, Profanity, insprirational
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 20:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17433233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fewfre/pseuds/fewfre
Summary: Your regular Netflix binge watching will be interrupted from a long overdue ass kicking by kpop idol sensation NCT Haechan!





	Haechan comes to my house, kicks my ass, and tells me to get my life together

There are no sunny days, really. Only gray skies and grayer tones around me. The reruns of Law and order: SVU play in front of me, each episode after another mixing into a blur of incomprehensible cop propaganda that's ultimate message is sure, Detective Stabler has an anger problem and takes it out on suspects, but it's okay because wouldn't you beat the shit out of someone that may or may not have done the deed too?

My eyes are starting to hurt from staring at the TV too long unblinking. My unfiltered water is starting to hurt my throat. I have work in a few hours but it feels like a few minutes. Time slows, I look at the gray sky, waiting for hope to bring my spirits up again. It never comes.

A knock at the door. I see the door, and there's a knocking sound coming from it, my door. A package arrived? An unwelcome salesman? A man that kicked off drugs, and needs me to sign something to show that he's a good person because he's trying to get his life together, but I have no idea who he is, and I'm just waiting for him to try selling me something—

Another knock at the door, louder this time. My dog's ears perk up and she barks. She has a loud ass bark, they call it the Shiba shriek, and they're not wrong. I get up, walk around the door, try to tell who it is by looking through the adjacent windows on the wall, but I see no one, not even a mail van. The knock continues, again.

I grab my dog's collar and put my hand on the knob. Slight paranoia is telling me where the closest heavy object is, the umbrella in the umbrella stand next to me. My hand starts to open the door, time moves faster—

Behind the door is a tall young man, brown hair and tan skin. He's looking seriously at me, not even noticing my dog trying to lunge from my hand so she could go lick his hands (she's not a very good guard dog).

"You're Lee Haechan," I mouth more than say, my voice escaping me. Haechan continues to look at me, unwavering.

"Thank you," he says, and proceeds to move through the doorway, grab my right arm, and judo throw me onto my ass on top of the grass outside.

"Ouch!" My dog is running around Haechan's legs happily as I cringe from the pain. Haechan offers a hand for me to grab and i do, foolishly.

He then judo slams me again in the other direction, and I bounce off the ground like a bouncy ball.

"Ouchie!" I say. My dog has now run off the driveway, towards freedom (she's not a very loyal, or smart, dog).

Haechan stands over me again, offering me a hand, but I slap his little hand away and glare at his beautiful, picture-perfect face.

"Haechan you cannot body slam me as you like! That's illegal! And it hurts!"

Haechan is not taken aback by my comments. Instead, he shakes his head.

"I have to kick your ass into shape," he says plainly.

The lack of an audience and just the two of us in my neighborhood both unnerves and emboldens me. "Like Hell you will! And you cannot curse, you are a baby!"

The baby smacks me across the face, and I gasp in horror. He shakes his head again, waiting. I suppose he is waiting for me to ask him why he is doing this, so I ask him.

"You just, you gotta get your shit together, man." Haechan folds his arms. "You gotta go for it, y'know? You gotta fuck shit up. Just do it. Make your dreams come true—"

"Haechan you can't finish that thought, that is copyright." Haechan glares at me and I quiet. I get up, brushing off the green nasty from the grass off my pants.

"I have my life together Haechan," I say. "In fact, I was just about to finish episode 24 of season 18 before you came in and rudely interrupted my Netflix binge."

"You may have completed your binge watching of cop propaganda, but have you completed your dreams?"

"Hm, no. Don't have any, anymore."

"Well get some!" And then Haechan roundhouse kicks me onto the street, where I fall onto the gravel in very big Ouch pain. The sight looks much like a ragdoll getting thrown around, but a very cheap one with floppy limbs. My dog returns from the direction she ran off, satisfied with her running away, and comes to stand next to me.

"Find your dream, and chase it! Don't let it go! Don't ever let someone tell you to stop, keep going!!!!!"

I watch, amazed as Haechan uses his kpop idol powers to levitate off the ground and begin to rise towards the sky. He points a small, accusatory finger at me.

"Get your life together! Follow your dreams, or I'll kick your ass!"

His last motivational message ended with him rising quickly up into the now brightened sky, where he flew like a lightning bolt in what I could only guess was the country of South Korea. I watch, amazed and perplexed while my body aches all over.

After he well and truly falls out of my eyesight, I feel my dog sniff my shoulder before she walks back into the house. I follow after her, motivation (and now unadulterated fear) provoking me to find a dream, so I could chase it and avoid the awesome asskicking that Lee Haechan had so spectacularly given me.


End file.
